This is a revision of the line:
Those glassy, marble eyes stared back at me with impatience; the closer I looked into those windows, the more I saw a frustrated dove strapped inside of a cage, crying out shrill tunes of anguish and despair.
I switched the word "eagerness" with "despair." Does this word better portray the meaning in the sentence?
Do you guys think that I could also use this as a first sentence? I am not sure if I would open the memoir with this line, but I might consider to do so.
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