PoL Draft 2

Hey guys! I edited some passive sentences, and I restated some sentences (which I hope will make the piece more fluent). May you guys please let me know if the organization/ideas are strong enough, if the flow the of the piece is fluent (please inform me about any "slow" parts), and if the ending ("Without these..") is not too abrupt. Thanks!
P.S. Does the title tie the piece together? (I'm trying to find a better title)

Just Keep Practicing

I peered over my grandfather’s shoulder, attempting to catch a glance at the brush that hovered over the paper. Its black-stained hairs glistened as it lowered onto the surface of the white sheet, flowing across the page with hypnotic movements.

Stroke one. Grand jeté. Stroke two. The brush sashays. Stroke three. Dip. Stroke four. Sway.

            “What does that mean?”

            “ Shui.” Water.

            “Why does that word look so funny?”

            “Each stroke used to be drawn as curves- like the currents in a river. Now, we just write the character like this.”

            “Oh…” I tilted my six-year-old head. “Can you teach me how to write that?”

Written Mandarin, like any artistic masterpiece, is an art that requires the time, patience, and diligence to master. Every written character involves great attentiveness and care; each radical and stroke of every word reflects the refined pigments in a painting. Not only has written Mandarin become an art, but it has also evolved into a thread that, over time, has sewn the multiple East Asian cultures together. This centuries-old written language represents the cultures that have composed the heritage of a people, and it has even carved a cultural identity and history for nations of distinct yet similar traditions.

However, what happens when a heritage within this massive culture tatters the thread- the connection- that binds a people to its beginnings and identity?

In 1949, when China underwent its infamous Cultural Revolution, “the cultural officials within the [Chinese] Cultural Party’s bureaucracy set out to simplify radically the way Chinese was written.” (Gargan) Throughout this “simplification” process, the Chinese government began to reform traditional Mandarin characters. China’s Cultural Party reduced the number of strokes in writing complex traditional characters, and they altered the traditional writing system through this iconoclastic movement. This new written “language,” as a result, now represents the official written language of mainland China.

The intention behind this particular movement was to increase literacy within the Chinese population. In achieving “total adult literacy [, however,] meant that characters…needed to be redesigned with fewer strokes so they would be easier to remember and write.” (Gargan) But in doing so, the simplification of Mandarin has compromised the depth and soul of this traditional written language.   

 Traditional Mandarin originated as a written communication through pictographs and ideographs. Mandarin was at first a language of pure illustrations: the word “mountain” would look like a mountain; the word “man” would look like a man. These pictures or basic symbols later composed the thousands of ideographs within this written communication. (Peterson)

Take the word lin (林), or “forest,” for example. This character is based upon the word mu (木), or “wood.” Forest, in the most basic definition, is an area filled with trees. Lin was formed by writing two “wood” or “trees” together; thus, the character “forest” illustrates the definition of “multiple trees.” Thousands of traditional characters bloomed from this simple idea of placing different characters or radicals, each with their own distinct meaning, together to produce a word that expresses a larger and more complex idea. (Peterson)

When simplified Mandarin transitioned into society in the 1950s and1960s, its new writing practices buried these long-settled ideas of the language. (Peterson 108) As cultural officials have broadened the use of simplified Mandarin, they have created a whole new written language- a communication barely comparable to its traditional style. Through traditional characters, one could decipher the distinct meanings by evaluating each and every detailed stroke and radical. On the other hand, no correlation exists between the simplified characters and the origin of the actual words.

 Simplified Mandarin is not the only evolution from an original language; traditional Mandarin was a transformation as well. Ancient scholars had actually simplified the written Mandarin language to form the current and familiar traditional form. The Asian culture, over the centuries, reduced their original pictographs and ideographs into strokes and characters to form this traditional writing style.

But if past generations had already simplified written Mandarin, then why shouldn’t modern culture proceed with a further “abridged” version of this language?

The reason: the purpose behind the simplification.

The current traditional Mandarin evolved from a basic simplification of drawings; past generations transformed these detailed depictions into strokes so that the process of writing would not be a tedious procedure of drawings. These ancient scholars wished to maintain the origin of the word- they did not stray from the roots of these characters. Political purposes, however, fueled the founding of simplified Mandarin: “…language reform was a technical undertaking entrusted to skilled professionals, but the rationale and objectives were always deeply political.” (Peterson 108) The founders of the Communist Cultural Party did not purely seek to “ease” the burden of learning and writing Mandarin characters. Instead they intended to spread their political influence- their Cultural Revolution- by igniting this miniscule yet hazardous match.

In cultivating their new “culture,” the Chinese government has educated their citizens through simplified Mandarin. Thousands of students and adults, even beyond mainland China, have been taught the language through simplified writing.

Teaching simplified Mandarin, however, is like teaching the English language through “texting language.” When English is taught to students, the structure and form of the written communication is emphasized as the basis of this language education.  If taught properly, a student would have the ability to learn and construct simple phrases, such as “I have to go. I am going to be late.” However, if they are taught the simplified “texting language,” these students would be unaware of the foundations of this communication. As a result, their knowledge of this language would be vague and imprecise: “I gtg. I’m gonna b L8.”

Supporters of simplified Mandarin contest that this version of the language is much easier write: ““Traditional Mandarin? Why must we learn that written language? Simplified Mandarin is easy enough- it’s simplified!”

Although simplified Mandarin is easier to write, traditional is easier to learn. Traditional characters offer a greater number of indicators of word definitions and origins; their radicals and other symbols serve as pieces to a language “puzzle.” By learning traditional Mandarin, students would develop a deeper familiarity with these characters. In the end, their well-developed retention of these characters would allow the process of writing traditional words to be just as easy. Simplified Mandarin does not possess the in-depth qualities that enrich the learning of this language. In fact, simplified Mandarin “may actually retard character recognition by eliminating culture cues that formerly may have aided recognition and by reducing the distinctiveness of individual characters.” (Peterson 108)

It is inevitable, however, to avoid simplified Mandarin. This form of written language has proliferated to almost every country within the past decades; even the United Nations uses simplified Mandarin! (“United Nations…”)  Although it has become the most popular form of written Mandarin, simplified Mandarin must not compose the face of this ancient language.

China’s 1950s-1960s Cultural Revolution is not East Asia’s cultural revolution. A large portion of the Asian culture has already established traditional writing as their main communication between the different Asian countries. Taiwan, Macau, Hong Kong, and Korea- to name a few- are countries that have centered their cultural language around traditional Mandarin. Even though their native spoken and written languages differ, these countries are able to read and recognize these traditional characters. These simple yet distinct words have transformed into the complex bonds and threads that represent the entity of the Asian cultural heritage.

Without these ancient roots, the antique voices of the Asian culture can no longer speak, no longer live. Without these ancient roots, a people will wither away.

Their leaves will rust, their bark will shred, and, alas, their branches will fall.

“Why can’t I write this correctly? It looks so ugly!” The word looked so strange, so distorted.

The brush slammed against the white sheet.

“You need to practice. If you keep practicing, writing this word will become easier. I have written Mandarin for my whole life. You are just starting.”

“Still… I won’t be able to write as pretty as you do…”

“Just keep practicing.”

Grand jeté. Sashay. Dip. Sway. Grand jeté. Sashay…